Untitled for Now

I've been the best that I can be.

If it's still not enough, I will not blame myself anymore for my lack of this and that. Whatever it is that you see wrong in me, I will blame it all on your tackiness and insatiable taste. I will no longer look down and pick up on myself for every flaw that is no other than me.

I sometimes wonder how you always find "inferior" people irresistible. Inferior in the sense that they made and are still making the lamest decisions and choices in life.

I sometimes wonder, why, all these years, I've been competing with those people in an unworthy and unmatched fight.

How ironic that I lose all the time. Isn't it because it's your game and it's you who set the rules? Or maybe, because you are the grand prize?

Sure, I always get the trophy and the medal but, I never win. I am always the winning and whining loser. Always feels like that. Always ends like that.

Now, I am thinking, which is better, to be the official winner or to be the real winner?

I should have never fought at all in the first place. Never again will I make folly of myself.

Please, never again.