Better Days

Someday, I want to be in a place where working on a daily basis is an option. I want to sit on a chair, with back rest much much taller than my head, inside a room with a big glass window on my back, where I can see the clouds whenever I want. I want to reach my office door losing track of how many genuine and fake smiles greeted me that day.

I don't think that people who are already there are as happy as I imagine them to be. They might be aspiring for a higher level of happiness at the very moment. Still, I want an upgrade--just some kind of change.

I've always thought that the loneliest people on earth are those, like myself, who would accept any kind of change just to be somewhere else but their current place.

It's sad that after 10 years, I'm still yearning for the same thing: to be someone else and to be somewhere else. I look back at my life now and realize that nothing much has changed... same thoughts, same worries; only this time, I feel worse.

They say that we must enjoy life for we'll never know when we're leaving this world. They say that we should love the people around us because they won't be there forever. And that's what I'm trying to do. Maybe I didn't try enough. Or maybe I didn't even try. All I can say is I want to be that happy person who loves the people around her. Yet, it is so hard to be happy. Simply hard. I don't know why. Is it because I've done so many bad things in the past? Is it reaping time now? I don't know. Will I ever be forgiven for that? I don't know. I can only hope.

I can go on and on and my laments will never end.

"you can get to no better days, unless you make it through the night"